Feelings are ment to be Hidden
by Kioku911
Summary: The sequel to An Interesting Christmas. Kioku sliped up big time after her Christmas festivities. How will the cold hearted snake sannin react?


"Ugh… I think I shattered my skull," I moaned, sitting up. I was on the floor. Apparently, I had spent the night there. I wrapped my arms around my stomach. Startled by the feeling of my own flesh I looked at myself. What was I wearing? Then it hit me. Yesterday was Christmas! I shot to my feet. I took a quick step forward but slammed into the wall on my left.

Sliding back onto the cold stone floor, I took a few minutes to complain to myself. Why had I gotten myself drunk? What did I do while I was drunk? WHAT TIME WAS IT?!

"Oh shit! Breakfast!" I cried, standing up again, a bit slower this time. The light in my windowless room was terrible. My eyes were used to the darkness but I still had troubles seeing. Flailing my arms slowly I found my small clock. 6:30. "Weird… I got up at such a precise time…" I mumbled. I had about an hour before Orochimaru would want breakfast.

I took my usual path to my closet and stared blankly at the kimonos. I shivered. My little amount of clothing was getting to me. Not only was I freezing but my head felt like it would implode any second! Absently I touched my head, sending healing chakra through. I healed the huge bruise and thinned out my headache. Grabbing a long red kimono, I walked to my shower and began my morning routine. One thing kept bothering throughout my steamy shower, "what did I do last night?"

--

I strode calmly into the kitchen. Kioku was dashing around as though her feet were on fire! "So this is why you didn't storm into my room. You woke up late," I smirked, watching Kioku frantically prepare three plates of rice, fish, and eggs, her favorite quick-make breakfast.

She looked at me as she spun around, a finished plate in her hands. "Oh! Good morning Kabuto-sa-!" Before she could finish her formalities, her insanely long hair caught around her leg and she tripped. The plate shot into the air, its contents flying about the room.

As rice fell like rain she sat on her knees and sighed, "I'm not having such a good day," she mumbled, smiling up at me.

"I can tell," I said, helping her to her feet. "Take Orochimaru-sama his breakfast, I'll start cleaning up."

"You'd do that for me?" she asked, a shocked and pleased tinge to her voice, "arigato Kabuto-san! I owe you one!"

She tore off her apron and began picking fish from her hair. "You'd own me one anyway," I said, a crooked smile forming, "remember?" I whipped out the card she'd given me the night before. She looked shocked for a moment then just smiled.

"Ok, so I own you one plus a day!" she laughed lightly. Piling a plate of food and tea onto a tray, she took a deep breath. "I'll come back and help you in a minute!"

Then she was gone. I grabbed a broom and began sweeping the ground, careful not to slip on spilt egg yokes.

--

I stood, frozen in front of Orochimaru's room. Something kept telling me I was forgetting something important but I couldn't remember!

Timidly I opened the heavy wood door. His light dazzled eyes let me know that he was awake; or at least conscious. Opening the door the rest of the way I stepped into the midnight room. Shutting the door I let my eyes adjust then walked silently to his bedside.

"Good morning Orochimaru-sama," I smiled, putting the tray gently onto his nightstand.

"Good morning Kioku," he nodded, his voice startling me. Orochimaru's voice was strong, as if he'd been awake for a while. His voice was like a signal. If he'd been awake for a while, it was because he was thinking. It was my duty to stay and listen to anything he might have to say.

I sent chakra into my hand and walked around the room, my chakra igniting the candles. The room seemed to be filling with sunset. Its orangey colors blooming in the room, allowing me to see my master.

He was sitting up and had the bowl of rice in his hands. He was eating slowly, as if waiting for something.

"Did you sleep well sir?" I asked after a moment, not sure what to say.

"Yes, I slept very well considering the nights events," he answered with the same delayed tone.

I took a seat next to his bed and continued to smile. Something was going off in my brain. A warning? Orochimaru was going to help me remember last night, I should've been happy! Nevertheless, I couldn't help but worry. Did I do something bad while I was out of it? If I had wronged the master, everything WOULD make sense! The warnings, his deliberate manner of speaking.

"Hehe, to be honest, I don't really remember the nights events," I admitted, against my better judgment.

He replaced the bowl on his nightstand, "you don't recall?"

His tone was strange. Indescribable. It was soft, almost sympathetic, but a strange venom gave the words a mistrusting after taste.

"Nope, not a thing," I grinned, dismissing his tone.

Suddenly his hand was stroking the side of my face. In that brief instant, I thought nothing of it. He did that a lot when I was little. In about the time it took to blink I noticed something was different. He didn't have that comforting smile he usually had with this gesture.

No, it was completely different. I'd never seen this face on him, but it was a face I knew very well. His eyes were half open, not with weariness, but with temptation. His fingers gently trailed down my jaw and tilted my head up a bit. "You don't remember anything?" he slurred, pulling my face close to his.

I couldn't say anything, I couldn't even move. I felt a blush color my pale complexion and he smirked. His lips were like his eyes, they were pulled into a seducing form. I couldn't believe what was happening. Was I dreaming? No way! It felt too real! If it had been any other man I would've tore his arm off. I constantly flirt with men to get information, but the instant they try to take control of the situation, well, lets just say it's rather difficult for them to find a wife.

Now what could I do? Orochimaru had always been the reason I kept away from real relationships. However, with him the one taking control my mind went to pieces. I wanted to close the gap but I knew such an act would get me into trouble. I wanted to push him away but I could never do that. He had me trapped!

His lips brushed against mine. I shivered, temptation threatening to take over. For once in my life, I wanted to run. To leave this confusing situation. As he came in for the kill, one thought beat down all my others. What did I DO last night?!

Our lips connected for a few seconds before he slowly pulled away. "Remember now?" he asked slowly. I pursed my lips a moment. I hadn't even tried to kiss him back! Was that a good decision? What if he was trying to show me his feelings and I'd just offended him by not responding?!

"A-afraid not…" I mumbled. As his hand slid from my face, I pulled away with forced slowness. I still wanted to run, but I had to remain calm.

Nonchalantly he took back his rice bowl and began eating again.

I gave a quick bow and walked calmly from the golden room. I gave him my usual smile then left.

I had to tell someone! Kimimaro! No, he was gone. I had no one else to tell! As I walked back to the kitchen, I kept my eyes on the ground. I was so confused!

I entered the kitchen to find the room spotless and Kabuto sitting at the table sipping at his tea. He looked over his scroll at me then began reading again.

"I told you I'd help!" I pouted, taping my shattered composure back together.

"Yeah, but I was already cleaning so I decided to finish the job," he said flatly, putting the scroll down, "you took longer than usual, what happened in there?" He smirked. That was all it took. My composure was shattered yet again.

I turned away, pretending to be looking through the refrigerator. "What do you mean 'what happened in there?' He wanted to talk, that's all," I smiled, hoping the cool air would calm my blush.

There was silence, "your hiding something. I was just joking, but now I'm curious. What happened in there?"

"Nothing, he just," I froze. I remembered! Last night, I had kissed him after he walked me to my room! "Agh! I'm such an IDIOT!" I shouted, clutching my head, "I can't believe I did that!"

--

I watched her, my face masking my shock and confusion. "Kioku-chan?" I asked, rising to my feet. I walked cautiously toward the frantic girl. "Hey, calm down. What happened in there? Why are you an idiot?" I gently touched her shoulder and she stiffened. "Kioku…chan?"

She smacked my hand away and dashed from the room. I just stood, my eyes glued to the place she had been. "What in the world…?" I turned and began walking toward Orochimaru's room. Just as I was about to open his door it swung open, almost hitting me in the face.

"Ah, Kabuto, just the person I was looking for. Let's get to work. We lost a lot of time yesterday," the sannin said, looking at me for only a moment before continuing down the hall.

I took my usual place, a step behind his left side. "Orochimaru-sama, what did you do?" I asked bravely.

"Hm? You're accusing ME of something?" he had a warning tone. He wasn't having a good day.

"In one sense, yes. Kioku-san, she went to give you your breakfast, but when she returned something wasn't right, what happened?" I continued, unfazed by his warning.

"Something wasn't right? All I did was help her remember what she forgot about last night. I never considered that she didn't want to remember," the older man shrugged.

"I wasn't with you two last night, so, mind filling me in?"

"Ask Kioku, I have things to do today," he answered coldly, quickening his pace. I stopped following him. I had to understand what was going on.

"I'll join you soon," I nodded, turning on my heal and heading back down the hall. This time I was going to Kioku's room. I knocked on the heavy door and it opened almost instantly.

"Oh, hey Kabuto-san," Kioku beamed, her eyes forced close due to the magnitude of her smile.

"Well, you're looking happy," I said slowly, entering her room and sitting on her bed. I felt something tighten around my arm but I didn't flinch. This feeling was common. The cobra wound its way up and rested on my shoulders. His red eyes examined me then he hissed to Kioku.

The girl nodded, her expression unchanged. This was one of the many times I wish I had bothered to learn the snake language.

"So Kioku-chan," I started slowly.

I didn't need to finish, "you want to know what happened last night and this morning?" I nodded, why was she so happy all of a sudden? "It's really dumb actually!"

"See, yesterday I drank too much, as I usually do," she giggled, taking a seat, "so by the time Orochimaru-sama had gotten me to my room the sake was really starting to affect my head. Just before he could shut and lock me in my room I…I… hehe…. I kissed him." I could see a faint blush appearing. "It wasn't anything big or anything! Just… a kiss. Well, then, through a series of weird events, I fell asleep by smashing my head on the ground. When I woke up this morning, I couldn't remember a thing about last night," she explained, rubbing her head at the memory, "but when I went to give Orochimaru-sama his breakfast he tried to help me remember." She was blushing profusely, "he um… kissed me… but uh… it was weird… his kiss seemed more… tender than mine had been," she was mumbling the last part, but I still heard her.

I could understand why she had freaked out during breakfast. I knew she liked Orochimaru but I also knew she was smart. She knew better than to admit her feelings to the sannin. She knew that if he didn't feel the same he could easily start using her emotions like tools. What I couldn't understand was his state of mind. Was the morning's events him showing his feelings or was he already using Kioku's emotions as toys?

"Kioku-chan, what do you think this means?" I asked cautiously. I realized her odd expression was a mask. She was probably even more confused than I was. Not to mention she was probably torn about her next course of action.

"I have no idea," she grinned, her eyes squeezing together even tighter. "If he were any other man I'd go give him a piece of my mind… using me like that… sheesh. But since he's Orochimaru-sama, maybe I should try to just forget about it?"

"If he planned to let you forget, he wouldn't have reminded you in the first place," I said pushing up my glasses, knowing she was probably thinking the same thing.

--

"Well, I don't know what to do… so until further notice, this memory is dead!" I beamed.

"Kioku-ch-" Kabuto started. I knew what he was going to say. He was going to repeat what he had just said then add something more to try to push the subject further.

I wouldn't let him. "Kabuto-_kun_," I sang sweetly, "you don't have to worry about me! I'm a big girl now! I've been thinking and I honestly believe forgetting is the best course of action right now!" He opened his mouth again but I stood up and waved away his comment. Opening the door I motioned for him to leave, "Orochimaru-sama will be waiting for you."

Realizing his defeat he stood up and left. Looking at me one last time he turned down the hall and went toward Lab 3.

Shutting the door again I sat on my bed. Sighing heavily I fell back, staring at the ceiling. Kiken slithered onto my chest and hissed quietly. Absently I began stroking the cobra. "I know what I'm doing… this is the best course of action… I mean… he can't possibly have any feelings for me! I'm his subordinate… I'm nothing compared to him! He'd never give me the time of day… he's just toying with my emotions…" I mumbled, a strange sensation filling my eyes.

Was I going to cry? I hadn't cried in years! Why would such a minor incident affect me so badly? I felt Kiken rub his head on my collar and I smiled as one tear fell. "Don't worry Kiken-san! I've dealt with worse! I'll get over this soon! Don't worry about me…I'm fine…it's not like I've been rejected or anything..! I should feel, I mean I DO feel honored! He kissed me… I'm happy… really…I am…"

--

"Alright, prisoner 025, time to see how you do," I smirked, knowing full well this man would die. The only uncertainty was what would happen. Kabuto said this poison affected peoples' blood but we didn't know in what ways. The young man walked up to our captive and inserted the needle. The water looking substance quickly left the syringe and the man became oddly still.

Suddenly 025 began struggling violently against his restraints. His temperature was rising at an astounding rate. Blood actually began to boil from his mouth a moment before he died.

"Kabuto, report," I ordered, my eyes not leaving the man.

"His blood reacted to the poison with intensive heat…he seems to have died from… internal burning…" the medic answered slowly.

"The last test subject's blood exploded on contact and this one burned…" I began, "it seems we need test subjects with stronger blood if we want to proceed."

"My lord, strong blood is not easy to come by in prisoners. To have strong blood they must be powerful and-"

I turned my gaze to Kabuto and he silenced himself, "we know the power of this poison, but I want to see how it would do against someone who is strong and deserving of such a poison. Now, go out and find me more test subjects!"

"Hai!" Kabuto nodded, quickly disappearing. I turned toward the door but stopped. Kioku was standing in the doorway.

"Oh…I missed it…" she sighed.

"It doesn't matter. You wouldn't have been any help anyway," I said calmly, a bit of anger escaping in my words, "just be a good little girl and clean up the mess." I then walked toward the door. She quickly stepped aside, her gaze on the ground as I passed.

"Wait, Orochimaru-sama! Where is Kabuto-san?"

"He's out searching for stronger test subjects."

"But sir! That's always my job!" she pouted.

"I don't care. You were late and I needed someone strong for this mission. Just go back to your room once you finish cleaning. I have no further need of you today." I walked quickly back to my room and locked the door. I was in no mood to talk to anyone.

--

"Is he mad at me?" I wondered, walking to the examination table. Unlatching the restraints I rolled the corpse to the ground. There was an odd noise and when I looked over the table I found the man had spurted blood everywhere. With a sigh I cleaned the table then dragged the corpse away. I then went to my hands and knees and began scrubbing the floor clean.

"He's really upset… and it's all my fault…"

"It's not your fault at all. He's just angry is all. It has nothing to do with you," Kabuto smiled, laying a hand on my back. I flinched at the touch. "Kioku-chan… there's no way he could be angry over this morning. Something else must be bothering him is all…"

I nodded and finished cleaning. Straitening up I smiled, "shouldn't you be on a mission?"

"No, it's your mission. Go find someone with strong blood," Kabuto smirked, "I have some paper work to catch up on."

I gave an honest smile now. "Arigato Kabuto-san."

He just waved away my thanks and left the room. I smiled, he always knew what to do. Kabuto was a wonderful friend. I ended my thoughts there. I needed to focus! I had a mission now!

--

I wandered the halls aimlessly. I didn't really have paper work. I just knew Kioku needed to get out. Walking past Orochimaru's room I froze. It was dead silent inside. I took a step toward the door but went no further. Strange feelings were oozing from the room. Just being near there hurt!

Orochimaru must have really been upset. The entire atmosphere was a tangle of confusion. There was so much anger and frustration it was hard to breathe!

"Orochimaru-sama?" I asked, my voice level, "might I come in?"

"No!" the man hissed.

I almost flinched, "sir, you should at least leave your room."

"Kabuto, I, said, no!"

I stopped. After a brief apology I left the area. I hadn't seen him this upset since the Third Hokage sealed his arms! What was bugging him? Was he angry that Kioku hadn't kissed him back, and instead left him? It's not as if she had rejected him! She just needed thinking time.

No, something else must've been eating away at him. A young woman like Kioku could never affect a sannin this strongly. No way.

Hearing a noise coming from the prison cells I began walking a little faster. Had Kioku found someone already?

I reached the cells but the sound was still distant. With nothing better to do I continued to chase the sound. I soon found myself outside. As my eyes adjusted to the light I saw Kioku get thrown against a tree. I then noticed an ANBU member ready to attack the young ninja again. Chakra sealing charms lay shredded at his feet.

She had tried to bring an ANBU member as a test subject! As the masked man charged at Kioku I prepared an attack of my own. Kioku dodged the man's attack and I jumped up behind the man. Putting him in a headlock Kioku reapplied the chakra sealers and bound him tightly in chains before smiling at me.

"Thanks. I underestimated him," she laughed. We then walked back into the mansion, our captive walked between us. I sensed Orochimaru approaching but said nothing. Kioku threw the prisoner in a cell and locked the door. She turned but was jerked back. The ANBU man had reached through the bars and was holding onto Kioku's throat tightly. The albino cobra hidden under her kimono collar quickly got the man to let go. Kioku stumbled into me and clung slightly to my arm. Breathing heavily she felt her neck, it was bruised but she began healing it.

"That's why I told YOU to get someone strong Kabuto! She's not fit for this job. If you hadn't been with her she could've been killed," Orochimaru said angrily.

"But Orochimaru-sama! She was doing fine! I didn't help her at all! She's strong and you know it! She's just having an off day, " I responded, knowing this conversation would end badly.

"I don't care! Kioku! You go to your room and STAY there! And Kabuto-"

"NO!" Kioku shouted, pushing away from me. "I don't know what's wrong with you today but I'm not a little girl anymore! I can handle things on my own!"

"Kioku! You talk back to ME?! If you don't watch your tongue you'll be put in a cell!"

"What's this?! You're not going to punish me out right? Put me in a cell? I can handle more than that! Hit me! I dare you!" Kioku voice began to get louder. "You can't do it can you?! You've changed some how! I mean, since when have you actually cared if I died or not?!"

"Kioku-chan…" I muttered. Things weren't going well.

"Silence!" the sannin hissed. In a flash he had his hand firmly around Kioku's neck. Holding her high above the ground his eyes met hers. For a moment she looked afraid as she clawed at his arm but then she calmed. Her gray eyes seemed to smile.

"T-there you are," she panted. She smiled weakly.

She was quickly tossed to the ground, "who do you think you are? You're just a little girl! You still have MUCH to learn about strength!"

Kioku stayed on the ground but she looked at Kiken. The snake suddenly shot venom at the ANBU man. He writhed in pain before falling into a crumpled heap.

"Are you stupid? Why would you do that?! I need his blood! Strong blood is hard to come by you know!" the sannin's mood was worsening.

She sat up, laughing to herself. "A lot of people might be smarter than me," she suddenly dashed away, "but no one's blood is stronger than mine!"

"No wait! Kioku! Don't do it!" I called after her. Orochimaru was already chasing after her, cursing angrily.

--

As I sprinted to Lab 3 a strange laugh escaped my lips. Nervousness, anticipation, excitement, fear, all sorts of emotions melted with my laugh. I reached the room and slammed the heavy door shut and locked it. I felt Kiken tense around my neck as I grabbed a syringe filled with the new poison. He wanted to tell me to stop but he knew I wouldn't.

I could hear Orochimaru and Kabuto trying to open the door. Any minute now they'd break in and stop me. I couldn't let that happen.

"Kioku! Open this door NOW!" I heard my master hiss.

"Please Kioku-chan! You may not explode or burn up or anything but it's still a poison! It'll kill you one way or another!" Kabuto shouted.

"But that's why you need someone with strong blood isn't it?! To see how long a person can last, to see how it reacts with a strong body, and to create an antidote!" I laughed, "I used to be tested on all the time when I was little! What's another poison gonna do?!"

"It's going to kill you!" one of them yelled, but I couldn't tell who.

Suddenly it got quiet, they were planning something. It was now or never. I flipped up my long kimono sleeve and shoved the needle into my arm. I could feel the poison running through my veins. It burned. I felt the heat reach my heart and spread out. My kekkei genkai was struggling to keep me alive.

The door blasted into the room. Smoke and dust filled the air as two shadows followed the door in. The shear force of the jutsu that shot the door in startled me, my heart skipped a beat. It was only for an instant but with the strange liquid in my body I couldn't afford that skip. I swayed. With my balance off I began falling backwards.

"Thou wilt fall backward when thou hast more wit," I laughed, remembering my mother. She loved to find books and scrolls no one knew about. Her favorite was a book that spoke in a strange way. Since I was a pretty clumsy little girl she often told me that quote. She always smiled, pushed the hair from my eyes and said my face was too pretty to be getting so many cuts, before saying that quote. It would always make me laugh. I loved it when she quoted that book. The way her words would flow was enchanting. I really wish I could remember the name of that book.

But wasn't I dying? It's odd what people think of before the end.

I felt someone break my fall. My vision was gone but I assumed it was Kabuto. Orochimaru wouldn't catch me. He's angry with me. He'd rather watch me fall. Knowing I was safe with Kabuto I nuzzled into his chest. I liked the comfort. I felt myself be lifted up and carried quickly to a medical room.

--

"What is wrong with her?!" I thought to myself, walking back to my room. I shut the door behind me and flinched slightly as it made a loud noise upon closing. I hadn't meant to slam the door. What was wrong with me? I've never been good at keeping my temper down, but I could usually control myself better than this.

I sat on my bed and glared at the space between my feet. Why couldn't I stop thinking about last night? She was drunk, it was nothing. However, didn't drunkenness only impair your ability to censor things? Had she been wanting to do that?

I stood up abruptly and walked to my bathroom. Turning on the shower, I began to get undressed. "What does it matter anyway?! I've never had any feelings toward her. She's always been so annoying! Defying me, trying to seduce me, and she's always so energetic! Irritating," I hissed, stepping into the steamy shower. It was burning hot but I didn't move or turn the water down.

Letting the water burn at my skin was a good way to get my mind on other things. I stood still for a few minutes. Sighing I turned the water down. She's such a reckless girl.

My thoughts continued like this for a while. I slowly got out of the shower and got dressed again. I had to go check on Kioku. If she was dead, I needed to make sure Kabuto saved her body for future tests and if by some miracle she was alive, I'd have to take some notes on the affects of the burning poison.

--

I slumped into a chair next to Kioku's bed. I pulled off my glasses and began cleaning them on my sash as the door opened. I looked up then went back to my glasses. The blurry white skinned image was definitely Orochimaru and I was in no mood for formalities.

"Is she dead?" he asked bluntly.

"Not yet. Her kekkei genkai is fighting back with amazing force. I'm not sure it'll be enough to keep her alive. Her blood alone is amazing but if I could just," I attempted.

"No, you can't. We need the information she's providing. If you give her kekkei genkai your blood she may recover and we'll lose the knowledge."

For those of you who don't know Kioku's kekkei genkai here's a summery. When she drinks or is injected with another persons blood, she gains whatever abilities the other blood contains as well as maintains her own abilities. When injected with my blood her kekkei genkai reacts and makes it so she can heal amazingly fast and a few other things. There are very few side effects to her bloodline trait. When fused with another person's blood she will gain a few of their features though it doesn't cause any problems. The real side effect is when she's injected with blood that's too strong. It's rare but when she finds blood stronger than her own she can't control her ability.

For example, many years ago, when she had just gotten to stage two of her ability, Orochimaru gave her a bit of his blood and locked her in our strongest cell at the request of her cobra, Kiken. I remember her violet hair became streaked with black and her pale skin dropped to nearly white. A furious purple chakra aura burst around her. We thought that was the end. It wasn't.

Orochimaru's blood had been so strong that her kekkei genkai had tried to control it with the help of all the other bloods stored in her body. Her hair became streaked with my grey color and a few other colors. Her eyes turned red and grew snake like slits for pupils just like Kiken. Her nails grew long and sharp, her teeth becoming fangs. I remember her screaming in pain before losing all humanity. She spent two days laughing and trying to claw her way out of the cell. We were lucky she had only recently been given the blood of others. If she'd had that reaction now she would have become unstoppable with the shear amount of different blood she's been exposed to.

However, back to the present she was just lying on her bed. I had put an oxygen mask on her but that's all Orochimaru would let me help. We took notes on her heart rate and blood pressure as well as her temperature.

After a couple days, she opened her eyes. I was relieved but if the sannin was, he hid it well. I approached her side, "how are you feeling?"

"Won…derful," she mumbled, forcing a smile, "how am I supposed to… be feeling… doctor?"

"I don't know," I smiled; she was back to her old self. Orochimaru left his seat and came towards us. I sense a fierce anger still boiling inside him.

"Why would you do something so reckless?!" he glared.

Kioku's smile remained firm, "I'm strong."

"You're obnoxious! Always getting into trouble! Wipe that smile off your face! It's irritating!" he hissed. He stormed out of the room, his emotions creating a deadly cloud around him.

"Don't worry about him, he's still pretty stressed. You gave us quite the scare," I smiled, looking back at her. Her smile was gone and mine fell to. Yesterday Orochimaru had told me to create and test an antidote but the joy of seeing it work was gone now. "I'll be back in a little while to check on you and give you another dose of the antidote."

--

Obnoxious. Irritating. The words swarmed around me like wasps. I always knew he didn't love me, but for him to feel the way he did. It hurt. I felt a pressure in my eyes as I tried not to show my emotions. I looked up at the ceiling and tried to clear my head. For some reason the more I tried the more I thought of him. I felt pathetic, weak, but most of all, I felt alone. I'd just faced rejection. I still had Kiken and Kabuto, but it wasn't the same.

All those smiles and pleasant memories I kept of Orochimaru and I seemed like illusions. The mirror of my imagination had been shattered. Obnoxious. Irritating. I felt my tears spill over and grew angry. I'm so weak!

The next day Kabuto let me out of the infirmary. Whenever he was around I always smiled, laughed, and acted the way I used to. I focused on Kabuto when he was with me. I used him to free my mind.

Things went back to normal. I made every meal but the mere thought of delivering Orochimaru his food made my heart feel tight and my eyes burn. I had Kabuto do it for me. For a week, things were like that. But I couldn't take it, so I couldn't be anything significant to the man I loved, and he wouldn't allow for friends, but couldn't I be SOMETHING? If being his loyal subordinate was all I could be then so be it. At least I'd be close to him. At least I'd be able to make him happy. That thought became my comfort. The more I thought about being able to make him truly happy the less I had to fight back tears. After another week I had finally dried all my tears. It was risky, but I decided to take him his breakfast for the first time in two weeks.

Taking a deep breathe I held the food tray and knocked on his door. Did I used to do that? Oh well. I opened it slowly and entered. It was too dark to see anything once the door was shut. Remembering the layout of his room, I walked to his bedside and put the tray down. I opened my mouth to speak but felt a quaver in my throat and became silent. I gave a polite bow then turned to leave. His hand wrapped around my thin wrist and I froze, not taking my eyes off the door. My eyes were stinging! I felt a hint of panic and calmed myself.

I risked a glance at him; he was looking at the sheets in front of him. With my eyes adjusted I could see him pretty clearly and quickly looked away again. "Do you need something?" I asked trying to get my voice to its usual cheeriness.

"You haven't been smiling lately," he said slowly.

"What do you mean?" I answered, putting a laugh into my words, "I haven't even seen you since the poison incident!"

"The air around here has changed. You need to smile again." Was he apologizing to me? No way.

"I've been smiling just as much as I usually do!" I smiled, glancing at him. I turned away again quickly. He was watching me. His animal like eyes could probably see me perfectly.

"Listen. After the Christmas thing… something happened… the next morning I confirmed it. And you were right. I had changed. When I came down the hall to see you being strangled by that ANBU…you shouldn't be so reckless," he whispered, looking away from me.

"S-sir?" I couldn't believe my ears. Was he saying he DID feel something for me? Impossible! He let go of my wrist but I didn't leave. I sat down on the bed, still looking away from him. "I'm really sorry about the Christmas thing… I wasn't thinking clearly. But…" I gathered every ounce of courage I had, I had to do this, "A few years ago… I began falling for you. Now… I'm just… too far down I suppose." Though I hadn't been strait forward I knew he understood.

I felt the tears coming back. I couldn't tell what emotion they were conveying. I stood up quickly, wanting to leave before he saw. He caught my wrist again but I had been moving too quickly and his strength threw me off balance. I fell backwards onto his lap. I looked up at him, the both of us just blinking at each other for a moment. Realizing the position I was in I turned my head away from him, toward the door.

"I should be going. Kabuto-san might be worried," I mumbled. His left arm was over my stomach, holding my wrist still. His right forearm under my neck now, his hand slowly touching my shoulder.

"You can go…after… I do this…"he whispered leaning down to me. I panicked. I stopped looking up at him and looked back at the door. He stopped himself just before kissing my neck. "I promise… you can go after…" he gave me a comforting smile and tilted my head back towards him with the fingers of his right hand. This time I let him. At first I did nothing. Just let him kiss me. I watched him with half lidded eyes. His eyes were completely closed, his guard was dropped. He was being completely honest, so I closed my eyes the rest of the way. The second time he kissed me, I kissed him back.

It was magic. Amazing. I didn't want it to end. I felt too happy. Like all my sins, guilt, regrets, all of them were lifted. I felt innocent, pure, like everything was the way it was supposed to be. I was loved. He wasn't toying with me. The sweet emotions I got from his lips confirmed it. Just to be sure I cracked my eyes open, the first stage of my kekkei genkai activating. His aura was the same as mine as always. But for once we weren't matching in violent purples and reds, or secretive blacks. No, this time we were matching in blues of comfort and relaxation, and pinks of innocence and purity. More colors were appearing but I closed my eyes.

Using my elbow I propped myself up a bit. Slowly we pulled our lips apart, our foreheads together. We didn't say anything but inside, we were promising. Eternity, loyalty, and secrecy. We were both high-ranking criminals. If anyone knew we were each others weakness would wouldn't last another week. Not to mention he had a reputation he had to uphold. I would have it really tough though. Often my job was retrieving information and I had always done that through seduction. The thought made me feel disloyal. I'd have to stop.

--

I watched Kioku stand up slowly. Her left hand found my right and pulled me from my bed. Standing, I looked down at her with new eyes. She was barely up to my chin in her heels. She seemed so feminine, innocent, and yet her eyes, posture, and gestures were different. They conveyed an enchanting confidence, strength, individuality. Yes. If I were to love, it would be to this young demonness. The deceiver. The woman who captivated the hearts of men for her own uses. Yes, she had to be mine.

I felt her cool hand touch my jaw and move slowly downward to my chin. Giving me a small kiss she smiled and stepped away toward the door, "I'll see you later," she smiled "don't forget your breakfast." She left the room. I couldn't help but smile. How had I not noticed before? She was truly beautiful to me, inside and out.

--

I sipped my tea. Kioku came into the room and walked to the fridge. "You were gone awhile, what happened in there?"

She shrugged, "nothing much. Orochimaru-sama and I are on good terms again."

I nodded, "oh, since you were gone so long I put your food in your room."

She spun around with a grace I hadn't seen in a long time, "my room? Why? When I take a while you always put it in the fridge."

"I don't know. Something just told me to put it there."

"Well thanks, I was planning on eating in my room anyway," she laughed. Turning again she took her long silent strides out of the room and toward her room.

She look so much different. There was heart behind her smiles and laughs again. Her motions had confidence back in them. She and Orochimaru really had gotten on good terms again. I wanted to know more of course, but I wouldn't pry in such matters. I figured they'd worked out their relationship. Whether that meant they both felt strongly for each other or they'd decided such things were pointless and Kioku had given up, the air in the mansion seemed lighter.

When I saw them together later in the day I sensed both of them were happy, but if there was love, they were masters of disguise. However, it was for the best. I had already pieced together what probably happened, but since at first glance I couldn't see any difference in them, I knew we were safe. When we moved to hideouts with more subordinates in them I felt confident none of them would notice anything. For there was nothing to notice. Just the Three Deadly Sound Nin being the screwed up little family we are and always have been.


End file.
